A Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.
However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:
'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and sold his sister's jewelery to buy a gun. I was appalled.
But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.'....
Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:
'I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession.'
Moral : Never, Never, Never Be Late....
Showing posts with label Politics Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Politics Humor. Show all posts
An Indian man was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.
The Indian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation. The American snapped his gum and said, 'You Indian folk eat the whole bread?'
The Indian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, 'of course.' The American blew a huge bubble. 'We don't. In the United States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to India .' The American had a smirk on his face. The Indian listened in silence.
The American persisted, 'D'ya eat jam with your bread?' Sighing, the Indian replied, 'of course.' Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, 'we don't. In the United States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and the leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to India...
The Indian then asked, 'Do you have sex in the United States?' The American smiled and said 'Why of course we do.' The Indian leaned closer to him and asked, 'And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?'
'We throw them away, of course!' Now it was the Indian's turn to smile.
'We don't. In India , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States...
The Indian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation. The American snapped his gum and said, 'You Indian folk eat the whole bread?'
The Indian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, 'of course.' The American blew a huge bubble. 'We don't. In the United States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to India .' The American had a smirk on his face. The Indian listened in silence.
The American persisted, 'D'ya eat jam with your bread?' Sighing, the Indian replied, 'of course.' Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, 'we don't. In the United States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and the leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to India...
The Indian then asked, 'Do you have sex in the United States?' The American smiled and said 'Why of course we do.' The Indian leaned closer to him and asked, 'And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?'
'We throw them away, of course!' Now it was the Indian's turn to smile.
'We don't. In India , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States...
Scientists at ISRO built a gun specifically to launch standard 2-kg dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
NASA engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made and a gun was sent to the NASA.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the "shatterproof" shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified NASA engineers sent ISRO the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the ISRO scientists for suggestions.
ISRO responded with a one-line memo: Defrost the chicken...
NASA engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made and a gun was sent to the NASA.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the "shatterproof" shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified NASA engineers sent ISRO the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the ISRO scientists for suggestions.
ISRO responded with a one-line memo: Defrost the chicken...
An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings.
He asked, "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"
The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
"Can you see the river?"
"Yes"
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
"Of course", said the minister.
"10 percent", said the senator smugly.
Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his house,the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc etc.
"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Indian Rupees," he asked.
The minister called him to the window.
"See the river over there?"
"Sure", cried the senator.
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said, "No, I don't see any bridge."
"100 percent", said the minister !!!
He asked, "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"
The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
"Can you see the river?"
"Yes"
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
"Of course", said the minister.
"10 percent", said the senator smugly.
Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his house,the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc etc.
"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Indian Rupees," he asked.
The minister called him to the window.
"See the river over there?"
"Sure", cried the senator.
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said, "No, I don't see any bridge."
"100 percent", said the minister !!!
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