Hum hoge all clear Ek din,
Mann me hai vishwas, pura hai vishwas, hum hoge all clear ek din
Top two Engineering Rumors:
'Did you hear the results are being put up today at 5:30pm'
'Did you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks.’
The most dreaded acronym for Engineers: ATKT ( After Trying Keep Trying)
The most important criteria while selecting an engineering college:
“Girl to Boy ratio (if more than 0.025% than that college is engineers
dream come true)”
Engineers at work:
Assignments solved by one and then carrying out mass transfer operations
throughout the class
The most important machine for Engineers:
Xerox Machine (Without which assignment completion wouldn't be possible)
The most important table in an Engineers House:
The glass table (to carry out GC operations all night long)
The only queue an Engineer is familiar with Submission Queue
Common Engineering Dialogues after a paper:
'What is this pal, more than 60% of the paper was out of the syllabus'
'This was the worst paper set in the entire engineering history’
'I am failing'
Feeling after Completing Engineering: Survived Engineering.........!!!!
->If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
->Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live
with.
->Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
->Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you
left them to where you can't find them.
->Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
->The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
appreciates how difficult it was.
->It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as
warning to others.
->Ray's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
->Paranoids are people too; they have their own problems. It's easy to
criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.
->Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
->If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
->A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
->Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
->For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
->Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
->To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.
->To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your
principles.
->You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
->The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
->A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
->If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried
before.
->Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.
->Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
->Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
->Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
->Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live
with.
->Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
->Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you
left them to where you can't find them.
->Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
->The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
appreciates how difficult it was.
->It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as
warning to others.
->Ray's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
->Paranoids are people too; they have their own problems. It's easy to
criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.
->Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
->If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
->A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
->Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
->For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
->Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
->To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.
->To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your
principles.
->You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
->The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
->A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
->If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried
before.
->Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.
->Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
->Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
->Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women
(and what they actually mean)
10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in
"Deliverance.")
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(I don't want to do my dad.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.)
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear
phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend.
(I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.)
5. I don't date men where I work.
(I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system',
much less the same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me.
(It's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better
than dating you.)
2. I'm celibate.
(I've sworn off only the men like you.)
1. Let's be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating
detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's the male
perspective thing.)
In response...The male perspective on the same issue...
Top 10 rejection lines given by Men
(and what they actually mean...)
10. I think of you as a sister.
(You're ugly.)
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(You're ugly.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You're ugly.)
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(You're ugly.)
6. I've got a girlfriend.
(You're ugly.)
5. I don't date women where I work.
(You're ugly.)
4. It's not you, it's me.
(You're ugly.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(You're ugly.)
2. I'm celibate.
(You're ugly.)
1. Let's be friends.
(You're sinfully ugly.)
(and what they actually mean)
10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in
"Deliverance.")
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(I don't want to do my dad.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.)
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear
phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend.
(I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.)
5. I don't date men where I work.
(I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system',
much less the same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me.
(It's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better
than dating you.)
2. I'm celibate.
(I've sworn off only the men like you.)
1. Let's be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating
detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's the male
perspective thing.)
In response...The male perspective on the same issue...
Top 10 rejection lines given by Men
(and what they actually mean...)
10. I think of you as a sister.
(You're ugly.)
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(You're ugly.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You're ugly.)
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(You're ugly.)
6. I've got a girlfriend.
(You're ugly.)
5. I don't date women where I work.
(You're ugly.)
4. It's not you, it's me.
(You're ugly.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(You're ugly.)
2. I'm celibate.
(You're ugly.)
1. Let's be friends.
(You're sinfully ugly.)
Zailsingh decided to write the MBA exam. He could
understand everything except for the LOGIC part.
One day when he was reading , Rajiv came home.
Rajiv: Jailsinghji How is your MBA preparation?
Zail Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not
understand Logic.
Rajiv : Logic is very easy.
Zailsingh: Can you give me an example, so that I can
understand.
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house ?
Zail : YES.
Rajiv: Logically ,there will be water in it.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv: Logically.someone will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding
the fish.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv: so,Logically,your are married.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv : SO,that means U are a heterosexual.
Zailsingh was very glad and he understood logic. Next
day he sees Butasingh and he was also preparing for
MBA.
Zail: How is your MBA preparation?
Buta : Everything is fine except for the logic.
Zail : Oh, logic is easy.
Buta : Please, give me an example.
Zail : Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta : NO, I don't.
Zail : Saala HOMO....
understand everything except for the LOGIC part.
One day when he was reading , Rajiv came home.
Rajiv: Jailsinghji How is your MBA preparation?
Zail Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not
understand Logic.
Rajiv : Logic is very easy.
Zailsingh: Can you give me an example, so that I can
understand.
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house ?
Zail : YES.
Rajiv: Logically ,there will be water in it.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv: Logically.someone will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding
the fish.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv: so,Logically,your are married.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv : SO,that means U are a heterosexual.
Zailsingh was very glad and he understood logic. Next
day he sees Butasingh and he was also preparing for
MBA.
Zail: How is your MBA preparation?
Buta : Everything is fine except for the logic.
Zail : Oh, logic is easy.
Buta : Please, give me an example.
Zail : Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta : NO, I don't.
Zail : Saala HOMO....
Hey Guys
Insults package ready to use within no time.
Read on....
1.Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!
2.Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?
3.As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
4.I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your
looks?
5.Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing.
6.Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!
7.I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.
8.Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
9. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!
10. Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading
ignorance?
11. Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!
12. Don't think, it may sprain your brain!
13. Fellows like you don't grow from trees; they swing from them.
14. He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this
morning.
15. He has a mind like a steel trap-always closed!
16. You are a man of the world-and you know what sad shape the
world is in.
17. He is always lost in thought-it's unfamiliar territory.
18. He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.
19. He is known as a miracle comic. if he's funny, it's a miracle!
20. He is listed in Who's Who as What's That?
21. He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
22. He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.
23. He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build
an idiot.
24. How come you're here? I thought the zoo is closed at night!
25. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
26. How much refund do you expect on your head now that it's empty.
27. Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?
28. I can't talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in
the next 10 years?
29. I don't know who you are, but whatever you are, I'm sure everyone
will agree with me.
30. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
31. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?
32. I can't seem to remember your name, and please don't help me!
33. I don't even like the people you're trying to imitate, if you are at all.
34. I know you were born silly, but why did you have a relapse?
35. I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!
36. I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!
37. I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!
38. Why are you so stupid today? Anyway, I think that's very typical of you.
Insults package ready to use within no time.
Read on....
1.Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!
2.Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?
3.As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
4.I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your
looks?
5.Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing.
6.Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!
7.I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.
8.Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
9. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!
10. Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading
ignorance?
11. Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!
12. Don't think, it may sprain your brain!
13. Fellows like you don't grow from trees; they swing from them.
14. He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this
morning.
15. He has a mind like a steel trap-always closed!
16. You are a man of the world-and you know what sad shape the
world is in.
17. He is always lost in thought-it's unfamiliar territory.
18. He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.
19. He is known as a miracle comic. if he's funny, it's a miracle!
20. He is listed in Who's Who as What's That?
21. He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
22. He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.
23. He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build
an idiot.
24. How come you're here? I thought the zoo is closed at night!
25. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
26. How much refund do you expect on your head now that it's empty.
27. Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?
28. I can't talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in
the next 10 years?
29. I don't know who you are, but whatever you are, I'm sure everyone
will agree with me.
30. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
31. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?
32. I can't seem to remember your name, and please don't help me!
33. I don't even like the people you're trying to imitate, if you are at all.
34. I know you were born silly, but why did you have a relapse?
35. I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!
36. I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!
37. I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!
38. Why are you so stupid today? Anyway, I think that's very typical of you.
Read the following sentence and answer the above question yourself......
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
We must polish the POLISH furniture.
I did not object to the object.
When shot at,the dove dove into the bushes.
Since there is no time like the present,
he thought it was time to present the present.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
There is neither egg in the eggplant nor ham in the hamburger,neither
apple nor pine in the pineapple.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
We must polish the POLISH furniture.
I did not object to the object.
When shot at,the dove dove into the bushes.
Since there is no time like the present,
he thought it was time to present the present.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
There is neither egg in the eggplant nor ham in the hamburger,neither
apple nor pine in the pineapple.
Laloo Prasad sent his Resume - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.
A few days later he got this reply:
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send
any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.
Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this
reply.He arranged a press conference:
"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki
hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone
was delighted. Laloo prasad continued......
"Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar
sunaongaa? Par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen
saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet ----- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance -----
ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ----- Bilva
A few days later he got this reply:
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send
any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.
Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this
reply.He arranged a press conference:
"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki
hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone
was delighted. Laloo prasad continued......
"Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar
sunaongaa? Par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen
saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet ----- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance -----
ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ----- Bilva
Santa died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate
Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education
on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer
two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
Santa thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not
the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only
12 seconds in a year?"
Santa replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word.
Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education
on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer
two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
Santa thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not
the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only
12 seconds in a year?"
Santa replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word.
7 Engineers & 7 Doctors are going from Pune to Mumbai.So they both gather at Pune station.Both the groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority.
Scene I(Pune-Mumbai)
7 Engineers take only one ticket & 7 Doctors buy all the 7 tickets.Doctors are desperately waiting for the ticket collector to come.When ticket collector arrives,all 7 engineers get in one toilet.Now when the ticket collector knocks.one hand comes out with the ticket and then ticket collector goes away….doctors say “dekh lenge”
Now on return journey all of them don’t get a direct train to Pune.so they all decide to take a passenger train till lonavala,from there ,they can easily get a local train to pune.
SceneII(Mumbai-Pune)
Doctors decide,”this time we will prove that we too are equally SMART”….All 7 doctors take 1 ticket,engineers don’t buy any ticket at all!.ticket collector arrives.. all doctors in 1 toilet.All engineers are in the opposite one.One engineer gets out and knocks the door of the doctor’s toilet,One hand comes out with the ticket,he takes the ticket and gets into the engineer’s toilet…Ticket collector drives out all the doctors from the toilet and theyare heavily fined…tai tai fiss.
SceneIII(Lonavala)
So now both the groups are on the lonavala station.Doctors are planning their move for the last chance.They board the local train to Pune.This time doctors decidethat they will play the same (1 ticket) trick.aAll doctors take one ticket…all Engineers buy ticket this time…When the ticket collector comes, all engineers show their tickets…Doctors are still searching for toilet in the local train.
Concluion:WE technically intelligent people are geniuses,don’t mess with us.
Scene I(Pune-Mumbai)
7 Engineers take only one ticket & 7 Doctors buy all the 7 tickets.Doctors are desperately waiting for the ticket collector to come.When ticket collector arrives,all 7 engineers get in one toilet.Now when the ticket collector knocks.one hand comes out with the ticket and then ticket collector goes away….doctors say “dekh lenge”
Now on return journey all of them don’t get a direct train to Pune.so they all decide to take a passenger train till lonavala,from there ,they can easily get a local train to pune.
SceneII(Mumbai-Pune)
Doctors decide,”this time we will prove that we too are equally SMART”….All 7 doctors take 1 ticket,engineers don’t buy any ticket at all!.ticket collector arrives.. all doctors in 1 toilet.All engineers are in the opposite one.One engineer gets out and knocks the door of the doctor’s toilet,One hand comes out with the ticket,he takes the ticket and gets into the engineer’s toilet…Ticket collector drives out all the doctors from the toilet and theyare heavily fined…tai tai fiss.
SceneIII(Lonavala)
So now both the groups are on the lonavala station.Doctors are planning their move for the last chance.They board the local train to Pune.This time doctors decidethat they will play the same (1 ticket) trick.aAll doctors take one ticket…all Engineers buy ticket this time…When the ticket collector comes, all engineers show their tickets…Doctors are still searching for toilet in the local train.
Concluion:WE technically intelligent people are geniuses,don’t mess with us.
A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.
My Dearest Praveena
Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options
(a)10 marks, (b) 5marks and (c) 3 marks
1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) Of love
(b) You couldn't control seeing me
(c) Really ... am I doing it?
2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:
(a) You always like to see me smiling
(b) You are testing whether I like jokes
(c) You are attracted by my smile
3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:
(a) You are so coy to sing before me
(b) My presence influenced you
(c) You feared that whether I'll like your song
4) When you were showing your child photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:
(a) You felt ashamed
(b) You felt uneasy
(c) You don't know
5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:
(a) You enjoyed my disappointment
(b) You won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) You don't know
6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...
(a) You were waiting for me
(b) You were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) That bus was crowded
7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) You just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) Just you felt like introducing me to them
8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:
(a) To fulfill my wish
(b) You like roses
(c) By chance you got a rose
9) On that day, it was my birthday. you too came to temple early at 6:00 AM because:
(a) You want to pray along with me
(b) You want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) You want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual
If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it. If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.
Eagerly awaiting your reply..
Love,
Jijo
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Praveena reply letter was also in Q/A format...... ..
Jijo,
Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.
1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.
(a) Yes
(b) No
2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?
(a) Yes
(b) No
3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?
(a) Yes
(b) No
4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo. You poked your nose inside..... right?
(a) Yes
(b) No
5) I avoided holding your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?
(a) Yes
(b) No
6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali) at the bus stand?
(a) Yes
(b) No
7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes
(b) No
8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower.Is it true ?
(a) Yes
(b) No
9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple. Do you know ?
(a) Yes
(b) No
If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.
Hope everything is clear to you.
Praveena
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
My Dearest Praveena
Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options
(a)10 marks, (b) 5marks and (c) 3 marks
1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) Of love
(b) You couldn't control seeing me
(c) Really ... am I doing it?
2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:
(a) You always like to see me smiling
(b) You are testing whether I like jokes
(c) You are attracted by my smile
3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:
(a) You are so coy to sing before me
(b) My presence influenced you
(c) You feared that whether I'll like your song
4) When you were showing your child photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:
(a) You felt ashamed
(b) You felt uneasy
(c) You don't know
5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:
(a) You enjoyed my disappointment
(b) You won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) You don't know
6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...
(a) You were waiting for me
(b) You were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) That bus was crowded
7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) You just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) Just you felt like introducing me to them
8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:
(a) To fulfill my wish
(b) You like roses
(c) By chance you got a rose
9) On that day, it was my birthday. you too came to temple early at 6:00 AM because:
(a) You want to pray along with me
(b) You want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) You want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual
If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it. If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.
Eagerly awaiting your reply..
Love,
Jijo
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Praveena reply letter was also in Q/A format...... ..
Jijo,
Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.
1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.
(a) Yes
(b) No
2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?
(a) Yes
(b) No
3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?
(a) Yes
(b) No
4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo. You poked your nose inside..... right?
(a) Yes
(b) No
5) I avoided holding your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?
(a) Yes
(b) No
6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali) at the bus stand?
(a) Yes
(b) No
7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes
(b) No
8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower.Is it true ?
(a) Yes
(b) No
9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple. Do you know ?
(a) Yes
(b) No
If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.
Hope everything is clear to you.
Praveena
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Joke: They walk among us!
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old
fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying:
"Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the
fridge
sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually
decided that people were too distrusting of this deal. It looked to
good
to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale Rs 3000/-." The
next day someone stole it.
Caution: They Walk Among Us!
====================
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone
shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and
said, "Where??"
They Walk Among Us!!
====================
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which
direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun
waking
him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When
my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for
sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that
stuff."
They Walk Among Us!!!
====================
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I
got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was
open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days
a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to
end
the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific".
They Walk Among Us!!!!
====================
My colleague and I were eating lunch in our company's cafeteria, when
we
overheard one of the assistants talking about the sunburn she got on
her
weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but didn't
think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving...
They Walk Among Us!!!!!
====================
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car; it's designed to cut
through
a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk...
They Walk Among Us!!!!!!
====================
My friends and I were on a soda run and noticed that the cases were
discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. the
cashier
multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount....
They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!
====================
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring
attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain
rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's
nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the
head
is turned...
They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!
====================
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to
the
lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed
up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained
professional and I was in good hands. "Now,"
she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"...
They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!!
====================
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza
to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like
it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before
responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough
to eat 6 pieces".
Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!!
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old
fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying:
"Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the
fridge
sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually
decided that people were too distrusting of this deal. It looked to
good
to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale Rs 3000/-." The
next day someone stole it.
Caution: They Walk Among Us!
====================
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone
shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and
said, "Where??"
They Walk Among Us!!
====================
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which
direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun
waking
him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When
my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for
sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that
stuff."
They Walk Among Us!!!
====================
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I
got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was
open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days
a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to
end
the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific".
They Walk Among Us!!!!
====================
My colleague and I were eating lunch in our company's cafeteria, when
we
overheard one of the assistants talking about the sunburn she got on
her
weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but didn't
think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving...
They Walk Among Us!!!!!
====================
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car; it's designed to cut
through
a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk...
They Walk Among Us!!!!!!
====================
My friends and I were on a soda run and noticed that the cases were
discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. the
cashier
multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount....
They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!
====================
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring
attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain
rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's
nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the
head
is turned...
They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!
====================
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to
the
lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed
up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained
professional and I was in good hands. "Now,"
she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"...
They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!!
====================
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza
to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like
it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before
responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough
to eat 6 pieces".
Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!!
An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation.
The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?"
The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four."
The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four."
The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked,
"How much do you want it to be?"
The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?"
The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four."
The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four."
The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked,
"How much do you want it to be?"
An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates.
Saint Peter checks his dossier and says, "You`re an engineer, you`re in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the Gates of Hell and is welcomed. Soon, the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell; he begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan and says with a sneer, "So, how are things in Hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We`ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. And, there`s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
"What! You ve got an engineer? That`s a mistake - he should never have been sent to Hell... send him to me."
"Not a chance! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I`m keeping him!"
God insists, "Send him back or I`ll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?"
Saint Peter checks his dossier and says, "You`re an engineer, you`re in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the Gates of Hell and is welcomed. Soon, the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell; he begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan and says with a sneer, "So, how are things in Hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We`ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. And, there`s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
"What! You ve got an engineer? That`s a mistake - he should never have been sent to Hell... send him to me."
"Not a chance! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I`m keeping him!"
God insists, "Send him back or I`ll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?"
One day, a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer all die and go
to Heaven.
St. Peter is there and was having a bad day since heaven was getting
crowded. When they get to the gate, St. Peter informed them that
there will be a test to get into Heaven: They each will have to
answer a single question.
To the teacher, he says, "What was the name of the ship that crashed
into the Iceberg and sunk with all its passengers?"
The teacher thinks for a second, and then replies: "That would have
been the Titanic, right?". St. Peter lets him through the gate.
Next, St. Peter turns to the Garbage man, and figuring that Heaven
doesn't REALLY need all the stink that this guy would bring into
heaven, decides to make the question a little harder: "How many people
died on the ship?"
The garbage man guesses: "1228", to which St. Peter says "That happens
to be right. Go ahead."
St. Peter then turns to the Lawyer: "Name them."
to Heaven.
St. Peter is there and was having a bad day since heaven was getting
crowded. When they get to the gate, St. Peter informed them that
there will be a test to get into Heaven: They each will have to
answer a single question.
To the teacher, he says, "What was the name of the ship that crashed
into the Iceberg and sunk with all its passengers?"
The teacher thinks for a second, and then replies: "That would have
been the Titanic, right?". St. Peter lets him through the gate.
Next, St. Peter turns to the Garbage man, and figuring that Heaven
doesn't REALLY need all the stink that this guy would bring into
heaven, decides to make the question a little harder: "How many people
died on the ship?"
The garbage man guesses: "1228", to which St. Peter says "That happens
to be right. Go ahead."
St. Peter then turns to the Lawyer: "Name them."
Different kind of girls :
CD-ROM GIRLS
She is always faster and faster.
EMAIL GIRLS
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense .
HARD DISK GIRLS
she remembers everything, FOREVER
INTERNET GIRLS
Difficult to access
MULTIMEDIA GIRLS
She make horrible thing look beautiful
SCREENSAVER GIRLS
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun
RAM GIRLS
she forget about you, the moment turn her off
WINDOW GIRLS
everyone know that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live
without her.
VIRUS GIRLS
Also known as "wife'' when you are not expecting her, she comes,
install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you
will lose something, if don't try you uninstall her you will lose
everything...
SERVER GIRLS
Always busy when you need
CD-ROM GIRLS
She is always faster and faster.
EMAIL GIRLS
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense .
HARD DISK GIRLS
she remembers everything, FOREVER
INTERNET GIRLS
Difficult to access
MULTIMEDIA GIRLS
She make horrible thing look beautiful
SCREENSAVER GIRLS
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun
RAM GIRLS
she forget about you, the moment turn her off
WINDOW GIRLS
everyone know that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live
without her.
VIRUS GIRLS
Also known as "wife'' when you are not expecting her, she comes,
install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you
will lose something, if don't try you uninstall her you will lose
everything...
SERVER GIRLS
Always busy when you need
What if the IT Industry start making films ?
Some future film titles will be like:
1) Meri disk tumhare paas hai—Humara dil apke paas hai
2) Aao chat kare—Aao Pyar Kare
3) Programmer no.1—Coolie no.1
4) Server se — Dil se
5) Mission Virus—Mission kashmir
6) Hum aapke memory mein rahate hain—Hum aapke dil mein rahte hein
7) Do processor baarah terminal—Do aankhen Baraah Haat
8) Tera code chal gaya—Tera jadoo chal gaya
9) Har Din jo mail Karega—Har dil jho pyar karega
10) Network Ke Us Paar
11) Debugging koi Khel nahi—Pyar koi khel nahi
12) Jis Desh mein Bill(gates) rahata Hai—Jis desh mein ganga bahthi hai
13) Raju ban gaya MCSE—Raju ban gaya Gentleman
14) Client ek numbari, PROGRAMMER Dus Nambari
15) Login karo sajana—Pyar karo sajna
16) Naukar PC ka
17) DOWN to hona hi tha—Pyar tho hona hi tha
18) Partition (Deewar)
19) 1942 - A Bug Story—1942 - A love story
20) Kaho Na Virus Hai—Kaho naa pyar hai
21)dot-Company (Company)
22) Program Instruction Aur Method —Pyar Ishq aur mohabbat
23)Crash Se Crash Tak (QSQT)
24) Haan Meine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai—Haan mene bhi pyar kiya hai
25) BugVadh
26)Logon (Lagaan)
27) Shaheed Hacker Singh—Shaheed bhagat singh
28) Hacker 420
29)Password De Ke Dekho—Dil deke dekho
30)Terminal Apna Login Paraya
31) Mr Network Lal—Mr.Natwarlal
32)Meine Debug Kiya—Meine pyar kiya
33)Terminal Sajake Rakhna—Doli sajake rakhna
34) Debuggers ki Rani Hackers ka Raja
35) Kyonki Mein Debug Nahin Karta—Kyonki mein joot nahi bholta
36) Phir Teri Perl-Script Yaad Aayi
Some future film titles will be like:
1) Meri disk tumhare paas hai—Humara dil apke paas hai
2) Aao chat kare—Aao Pyar Kare
3) Programmer no.1—Coolie no.1
4) Server se — Dil se
5) Mission Virus—Mission kashmir
6) Hum aapke memory mein rahate hain—Hum aapke dil mein rahte hein
7) Do processor baarah terminal—Do aankhen Baraah Haat
8) Tera code chal gaya—Tera jadoo chal gaya
9) Har Din jo mail Karega—Har dil jho pyar karega
10) Network Ke Us Paar
11) Debugging koi Khel nahi—Pyar koi khel nahi
12) Jis Desh mein Bill(gates) rahata Hai—Jis desh mein ganga bahthi hai
13) Raju ban gaya MCSE—Raju ban gaya Gentleman
14) Client ek numbari, PROGRAMMER Dus Nambari
15) Login karo sajana—Pyar karo sajna
16) Naukar PC ka
17) DOWN to hona hi tha—Pyar tho hona hi tha
18) Partition (Deewar)
19) 1942 - A Bug Story—1942 - A love story
20) Kaho Na Virus Hai—Kaho naa pyar hai
21)dot-Company (Company)
22) Program Instruction Aur Method —Pyar Ishq aur mohabbat
23)Crash Se Crash Tak (QSQT)
24) Haan Meine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai—Haan mene bhi pyar kiya hai
25) BugVadh
26)Logon (Lagaan)
27) Shaheed Hacker Singh—Shaheed bhagat singh
28) Hacker 420
29)Password De Ke Dekho—Dil deke dekho
30)Terminal Apna Login Paraya
31) Mr Network Lal—Mr.Natwarlal
32)Meine Debug Kiya—Meine pyar kiya
33)Terminal Sajake Rakhna—Doli sajake rakhna
34) Debuggers ki Rani Hackers ka Raja
35) Kyonki Mein Debug Nahin Karta—Kyonki mein joot nahi bholta
36) Phir Teri Perl-Script Yaad Aayi
A priest, a drunkard, and an engineer were all being led to the guillotine to be executed. They ask the priest if he wants to face upward or downward when he meets his fate.
The priest says that he would like to die face up, so that he will be looking toward heaven when he dies.
They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his throat. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.
Next, the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest.
They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his throat. So they release the drunkard as well.
The engineer is next. He too decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, when suddenly the engineer says, "Hey, I see what your problem is!"
The priest says that he would like to die face up, so that he will be looking toward heaven when he dies.
They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his throat. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.
Next, the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest.
They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his throat. So they release the drunkard as well.
The engineer is next. He too decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, when suddenly the engineer says, "Hey, I see what your problem is!"
->India failed to defeat Afghanistan in the world cup qualifier in the Asia -Pacific zone
->Coach sehwag said that he is not worried bcoz he has backing of selectors, captain and board....and that they had won a close match against Papua new guinea just 2 yrs ago
->Rahul Dravid,the coach of new zealand team said that Sachin should now consider retiring gracefully and let his son take over the captaincy
->Mahendra Singh Dhoni broke ajit agarkars record of most no of conecutive ducks in twenty 20
->Saurav Ganguly, the coach of england feels that the boys need to control their emotions on the field
->Minnows Pakistan beat Ireland in a close match...and thus they avanged their defeat in the 2007 WC against the then minnows Ireland
->Inzamam ul haq, who was the captain of the losing team and now the present coach said in a press interview that
"Boys plays well...they try hard...inshallah we wins the world cup"
->The police arrested 8 ppl for voilence after England and NZ match...
Investigations revealed that these ppl were members of Dravid and Ganguly fan communities on Orkut which have 623241516 and 126542 members respectively.
->The Indian cricket board led by president Rahul Gandhi has called for an emergency meeting to discuss future course of action ..former players like Yuvraj Singh, Md Kaif, VVS Laxman and Kumble have been invited...coach Sehwag and captain Tendulkar will present a report...
->VVS Laxman today created a new controversy by saying that he expected a written apology from Rahul Gandhi for including him in the category of former players....he said that he has improved his fielding and fitness and wants to play 2023 WC in Brazil
->Coach sehwag said that he is not worried bcoz he has backing of selectors, captain and board....and that they had won a close match against Papua new guinea just 2 yrs ago
->Rahul Dravid,the coach of new zealand team said that Sachin should now consider retiring gracefully and let his son take over the captaincy
->Mahendra Singh Dhoni broke ajit agarkars record of most no of conecutive ducks in twenty 20
->Saurav Ganguly, the coach of england feels that the boys need to control their emotions on the field
->Minnows Pakistan beat Ireland in a close match...and thus they avanged their defeat in the 2007 WC against the then minnows Ireland
->Inzamam ul haq, who was the captain of the losing team and now the present coach said in a press interview that
"Boys plays well...they try hard...inshallah we wins the world cup"
->The police arrested 8 ppl for voilence after England and NZ match...
Investigations revealed that these ppl were members of Dravid and Ganguly fan communities on Orkut which have 623241516 and 126542 members respectively.
->The Indian cricket board led by president Rahul Gandhi has called for an emergency meeting to discuss future course of action ..former players like Yuvraj Singh, Md Kaif, VVS Laxman and Kumble have been invited...coach Sehwag and captain Tendulkar will present a report...
->VVS Laxman today created a new controversy by saying that he expected a written apology from Rahul Gandhi for including him in the category of former players....he said that he has improved his fielding and fitness and wants to play 2023 WC in Brazil
"The man , The Machine, The Software - PeopleSoft VII"
Boy - "I am a PB boy"
Girl - "I am a PB gal"
"Badte bacho ke liye complete software - Powerbuilder"
"Eat bugs, Sleep bugs.....Do only debugs"
Internet Programmer - "I got the ASP power , now u go get it!!!"
"Microsoft office - Nothing official about it !!!"
" Software ki raksha karta hein Norton Anti virus.... Software hai jaha, Norton Antivirus hein vaha..."
Project Manager - I want the code today....
Programmer - 2 minutes
"Programmer ka kaam kare asaan, Duniya bhar me hai iski shaan...VB....VB.....VB"
Progect Manager - "Power objects is the secret of my programs"
Programmers - "Our programs"
Husband - Thak gaya hoon mein
Wife gives him instant coffee and says
To create instant miracle....Use Oracle !
Boy - "I am a PB boy"
Girl - "I am a PB gal"
"Badte bacho ke liye complete software - Powerbuilder"
"Eat bugs, Sleep bugs.....Do only debugs"
Internet Programmer - "I got the ASP power , now u go get it!!!"
"Microsoft office - Nothing official about it !!!"
" Software ki raksha karta hein Norton Anti virus.... Software hai jaha, Norton Antivirus hein vaha..."
Project Manager - I want the code today....
Programmer - 2 minutes
"Programmer ka kaam kare asaan, Duniya bhar me hai iski shaan...VB....VB.....VB"
Progect Manager - "Power objects is the secret of my programs"
Programmers - "Our programs"
Husband - Thak gaya hoon mein
Wife gives him instant coffee and says
To create instant miracle....Use Oracle !
A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test. "You are employed" he said."Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start. The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."I'm sorry", said the HR manager,"If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job.The man left with no hope at all.
He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10 Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day.Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US.
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded,the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"
He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10 Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day.Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US.
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded,the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"
Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.
[waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
[waiter leaves]
Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . . . . . . $2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $1.00
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.
[waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
[waiter leaves]
Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . . . . . . $2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $1.00
Brahma
Systems Installation
Vishnu
Systems Administration & Support
Lakshmi
Finance and Accounts consultant
Saraswati
Training and Knowledge Management
Shiva
DBA (Crash Specialist)
Ganesh
Quality Assurance & Documentation
Narada
Data transfer
Yama
Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant
Chitragupta
IDP & Personal Records
Apsaras
Downloadable Viruses
Devas
Mainframe Programmers
Surya
Solaris Administrator
Rakshasas
In house Hackers
Ravan
Internet Explorer
Kumbhakarnan
Zombie Process
Lakshman
Support Software and Backup
Hanuman
Linux/s390
Vaali
MS Windows
Sugreeva
DOS
Jatayu
Firewall
Dronacharya
System Programmer
Vishwamitra
Sr. Manager Projects
Shakuni
Annual appraisal & Promotion
Valmiki
Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)
Krishna
SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle)
Dharmaraj Yudhishthira
ISO Consultant (CMM level 5)
Arjun
Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)
Abhimanyu
Trainee Programmer
Draupadi
Motivation & Team building
Bhima
MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM
Duryodhana
Microsoft product Written in VB
Karna
Contract programmer
Dhrutarashtra
Visual C++
Gandhari
Dreamweaver
Shani
Test engineer: frequently detecting bugs.
Systems Installation
Vishnu
Systems Administration & Support
Lakshmi
Finance and Accounts consultant
Saraswati
Training and Knowledge Management
Shiva
DBA (Crash Specialist)
Ganesh
Quality Assurance & Documentation
Narada
Data transfer
Yama
Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant
Chitragupta
IDP & Personal Records
Apsaras
Downloadable Viruses
Devas
Mainframe Programmers
Surya
Solaris Administrator
Rakshasas
In house Hackers
Ravan
Internet Explorer
Kumbhakarnan
Zombie Process
Lakshman
Support Software and Backup
Hanuman
Linux/s390
Vaali
MS Windows
Sugreeva
DOS
Jatayu
Firewall
Dronacharya
System Programmer
Vishwamitra
Sr. Manager Projects
Shakuni
Annual appraisal & Promotion
Valmiki
Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)
Krishna
SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle)
Dharmaraj Yudhishthira
ISO Consultant (CMM level 5)
Arjun
Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)
Abhimanyu
Trainee Programmer
Draupadi
Motivation & Team building
Bhima
MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM
Duryodhana
Microsoft product Written in VB
Karna
Contract programmer
Dhrutarashtra
Visual C++
Gandhari
Dreamweaver
Shani
Test engineer: frequently detecting bugs.
HEIGHT OF REPETITION: Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwarded back to you by someone in the receiving chain.
HEIGHT OF ISOLATION: Two persons sitting side by side using emails to communicate with each other.
HEIGHT OF COWARDICE: Two persons fighting through emails.
HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS: Receiving no emails for a week.
HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION: The email server being down.
HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS: Writing an intimate email and doing a 'Reply All.'
HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT: A person sending email to a girl wanting to become friends and getting a reply.
HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS: A person sending email to himself.
HEIGHT OF ISOLATION: Two persons sitting side by side using emails to communicate with each other.
HEIGHT OF COWARDICE: Two persons fighting through emails.
HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS: Receiving no emails for a week.
HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION: The email server being down.
HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS: Writing an intimate email and doing a 'Reply All.'
HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT: A person sending email to a girl wanting to become friends and getting a reply.
HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS: A person sending email to himself.
Dear Tech Support Team:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0 , BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall ' doesn't work on Wife 1.0 .
Please help!
Thanks,
"A Troubled User "
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that people complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony- Child Support) ..
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.
I suggest installing the background application " Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5 , Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 .
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend
Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0
STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortS kirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support....
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0 , BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall ' doesn't work on Wife 1.0 .
Please help!
Thanks,
"A Troubled User "
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that people complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony- Child Support) ..
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.
I suggest installing the background application " Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5 , Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 .
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend
Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0
STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortS kirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support....
5.No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
4.Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3.The native language used to communicate with the other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2.The message, "Bad command or filename", is about as informative as "if you don t know why I m mad at you, then I m certainly not going to tell you".
1.As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
4.Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3.The native language used to communicate with the other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2.The message, "Bad command or filename", is about as informative as "if you don t know why I m mad at you, then I m certainly not going to tell you".
1.As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The 5 Toughest Questions a Woman Can Ask a Man
The questions are:
What are you thinking about?
Do you love me?
Do I look fat?
Do you think she is prettier than me?
What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.
*********
Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
Baseball.
Football.
How fat you are.
How much prettier she is than you.
How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
*********
Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:
I suppose so.
Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
That depends on what you mean by love.
Does it matter?
Who, me?
*********
Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:
Compared to what?
I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
A little extra weight looks good on you.
I've seen fatter.
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
*********
Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:
Yes, but you have a better personality
Not prettier, but definitely thinner
Not as pretty as you, when you were her age
Define 'pretty'
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
*********
Question #5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.")
No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:
*********
She....Would you get married again?
He.....Definitely not!
She....Why not - don't you like being married?
He.....Of course I do.
She....Then why wouldn't you remarry?
He.....Okay, I'd get married again.
She....You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
He.....Yes, I would.
She....Would you sleep with her in our bed?
He.....Where else would we sleep?
She....Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
He.....That would seem like the proper thing to do.
She....And would you let her use my golf clubs?
He.....She can't use them; she's left-handed.
_________________
"Forgiveness is the final form of love."
The questions are:
What are you thinking about?
Do you love me?
Do I look fat?
Do you think she is prettier than me?
What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.
*********
Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
Baseball.
Football.
How fat you are.
How much prettier she is than you.
How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
*********
Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:
I suppose so.
Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
That depends on what you mean by love.
Does it matter?
Who, me?
*********
Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:
Compared to what?
I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
A little extra weight looks good on you.
I've seen fatter.
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
*********
Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:
Yes, but you have a better personality
Not prettier, but definitely thinner
Not as pretty as you, when you were her age
Define 'pretty'
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
*********
Question #5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.")
No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:
*********
She....Would you get married again?
He.....Definitely not!
She....Why not - don't you like being married?
He.....Of course I do.
She....Then why wouldn't you remarry?
He.....Okay, I'd get married again.
She....You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
He.....Yes, I would.
She....Would you sleep with her in our bed?
He.....Where else would we sleep?
She....Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
He.....That would seem like the proper thing to do.
She....And would you let her use my golf clubs?
He.....She can't use them; she's left-handed.
_________________
"Forgiveness is the final form of love."
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room. So he decided to send an E-MAIL to his wife. However he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address and without realising his error, he sent the message. Meanwhile, Somewhere a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her mail, Expecting message from her relatives and friends.; After reading the first message she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've just reached
Date: 13th Oct 2006
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to sent e-mails to your loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was..!
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've just reached
Date: 13th Oct 2006
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to sent e-mails to your loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was..!
De-Morgan's Law,
Binomial Avenue,
United States of Matrices.
My Dear Love,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane. There I saw your cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes,standing in your triangular garden.
Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.
The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity. You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10. With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.
Yours ever
loving,
Pythagoras
Binomial Avenue,
United States of Matrices.
My Dear Love,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane. There I saw your cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes,standing in your triangular garden.
Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.
The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity. You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10. With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.
Yours ever
loving,
Pythagoras
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