The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.
The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, 'Thisis amazing. How do you do it at your age?'
The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old motor running.'
The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child.
The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman. She said, 'Sir, you are something! How do you manage it?'
The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old motor running.'
A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child.
The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, 'Well, you surely are something awesome!
How do you do it?'
The old man replied, 'It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running.'
The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said:
Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one is black!'
That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.
There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run them over.
Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.
This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was run out in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados."Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."
Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taxi meter.
Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.
Wickets are like wives, you never know which way they will turn!
He is like Indian three-wheeler which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!
The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend, that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world which does not have wings!
As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.
The ball whizzes past like a bumble bee and the Indians are in the sea.
The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack.
The pitch is as dead as a dodo.
Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!
The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala one falls and everything else falls!
Indian team without Sachin is like giving a Kiss without a Squeeze.
You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.
Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goal keeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.
He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.
One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.
This was uttered after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled Shivnarine Chanderpaul 'NOT OUT' in the second test at Port of Spain, T&T. "Eddie Nichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands."
Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.
Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.
You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.
The cat with gloves catches no mice.
Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.
You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.
He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.
The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason.
Rajiv and Priya are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,” Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives.”
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later, Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, “Priya, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?”
“No, sweetheart” she responds.
Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, “Priya, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master card yet?”
“Oh no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the cheque,” she says.
“One last thing, Priya. Did you remember to send cheques for the auto loan to them too this month?” he asks.
“Oh, forgive me, Rajiv,” begged Priya. “I didn’t send that one, either.”
Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years. Priya pulls away and asks him, “So, why did you hug me?”
“Rajiv answers, “They’ll find us!”
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,” Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives.”
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later, Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, “Priya, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?”
“No, sweetheart” she responds.
Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, “Priya, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master card yet?”
“Oh no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the cheque,” she says.
“One last thing, Priya. Did you remember to send cheques for the auto loan to them too this month?” he asks.
“Oh, forgive me, Rajiv,” begged Priya. “I didn’t send that one, either.”
Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years. Priya pulls away and asks him, “So, why did you hug me?”
“Rajiv answers, “They’ll find us!”
"Can I see my baby?" the happy new mother asked. When the bundle was nestled in her arms and she moved the fold of cloth to look upon his tiny face, she gasped. The doctor turned quickly and looked out the tall hospital window.
The baby had been born without ears. Time proved that the baby's hearing was perfect. It was only his appearance that was marred. When he rushed home from school one day and flung himself into his mother's arms, she sighed, knowing that his life was to be a succession of heartbreaks. He blurted out the tragedy. "A boy, a big boy...called me a freak."
He grew up, handsome for his misfortune. A favorite with his fellow students, he might have been class president, but for that. He developed a gift, a talent for literature and music. "But you might mingle with other young people," his mother reproved him, but felt a kindness in her heart.
The boy's father had a session with the family physician... "Could nothing be done?" "I believe I could graft on a pair of outer ears, if they could be procured" the doctor decided. Whereupon the search began for a person who would make such a sacrifice for a young man.
Two years went by. One day, his father said to the son, "You're going to the hospital, son. Mother and I have someone who will donate the ears you need. But it's a secret," said the father. The operation was a brilliant success, and a new person emerged. His talents blossomed into genius, and school and college became a series of triumphs.
Later he married and led the diplomatic service. One day, he asked his father, "Who gave me the ears? Who gave me so much? I could never do enough for him or her." "I do not believe you could, "said the father, "but the agreement was that you are not to know...not yet."
The years kept their profound secret, but the day did come. One of the darkest days that ever pass through a son. He stood with his father over his mother's casket. Slowly, tenderly, the father stretched forth a hand and raised the thick, reddish-brown hair to reveal the mother had no outer ears. "Mother said she was glad she never let her hair be cut," his father whispered gently, "and nobody ever thought mother less beautiful, did they"?
The baby had been born without ears. Time proved that the baby's hearing was perfect. It was only his appearance that was marred. When he rushed home from school one day and flung himself into his mother's arms, she sighed, knowing that his life was to be a succession of heartbreaks. He blurted out the tragedy. "A boy, a big boy...called me a freak."
He grew up, handsome for his misfortune. A favorite with his fellow students, he might have been class president, but for that. He developed a gift, a talent for literature and music. "But you might mingle with other young people," his mother reproved him, but felt a kindness in her heart.
The boy's father had a session with the family physician... "Could nothing be done?" "I believe I could graft on a pair of outer ears, if they could be procured" the doctor decided. Whereupon the search began for a person who would make such a sacrifice for a young man.
Two years went by. One day, his father said to the son, "You're going to the hospital, son. Mother and I have someone who will donate the ears you need. But it's a secret," said the father. The operation was a brilliant success, and a new person emerged. His talents blossomed into genius, and school and college became a series of triumphs.
Later he married and led the diplomatic service. One day, he asked his father, "Who gave me the ears? Who gave me so much? I could never do enough for him or her." "I do not believe you could, "said the father, "but the agreement was that you are not to know...not yet."
The years kept their profound secret, but the day did come. One of the darkest days that ever pass through a son. He stood with his father over his mother's casket. Slowly, tenderly, the father stretched forth a hand and raised the thick, reddish-brown hair to reveal the mother had no outer ears. "Mother said she was glad she never let her hair be cut," his father whispered gently, "and nobody ever thought mother less beautiful, did they"?
Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait.
Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm.
The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm.
Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went about his fishing.
An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg.
Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms :)
Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm.
The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm.
Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went about his fishing.
An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg.
Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms :)
The following are new Windows messages that are supposedly under consideration for the planned Windows 7...
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."
To "shut down" your system, type "WIN"
BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
User Error: Replace user.
Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."
To "shut down" your system, type "WIN"
BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
User Error: Replace user.
Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
The American president-elect Barack Obama is said to have called 15 world leaders so far, including presidents or prime ministers or kings of Australia, Britain, Canada, France, Germany, Israel, Japan, Mexico, South Korea, Egypt, Italy, Saudi Arabia, Spain, Poland and Pakistan.
Surprisingly, president-elect Obama has not called India's leaders yet.
The truth is Obama has tried calling Mr. Singh. And a few times, he did connect as well. For various reasons though, the call did not seem to progress into a productive telephonic conversation.
Here are ten reasons why that happened:
1. The first time Obama called the Indian Prime Minister's office, Mr. Singh's chief secretary
picked up the phone and said, "who is speaking.."
Hearing that, Obama kept the phone down and told his secretary that by mistake, they had connected to the Chinese president's office.
2. Obama tried again a little later.
Once again, Singh's secretary picked up the phone.
Obama thought that he should let the guy know who he was speaking with.
So before the Indian secretary had a chance to say anything, Obama said, "This is Barack Obama speaking..".
"Yeah right", said the chief secretary, "and I am Mahatma Gandhi here".
3. A bit upset, Obama told his secretary to look up the Indian leader's number again. So they gave him another number to try.
"This is Barack Obama speaking", he said.
"Oh, Mr. Obama, congratulations, what a great victory", said the voice on the other line.
"Yeah, it was a blast", said Obama.
"A blast? Wait we will find out who is behind it..", said the voice, "and now I have to go and change my suit".
"Can't you get me Mr. Singh's correct number?
That was the Indian home minister, you moron", the usually unruffled Obama blasted his secretary.
4. So Obama's secretary gave him another number to try.
He called and decided to make sure that he was speaking to the right person.
"Is this Mr. Singh?", he asked.
"Yes, it is", said the voice.
"This is Barack Obama", he said.
"Oh hello Mr. Obama, how is the election shaping up so far?"
"Well, I won mine you know..and we will soon have about 60 seats in the senate", said Obama with palpable joy in his voice.
"Well, you know I can give you another 40 to make it an absolute majority", said the voice.
"Darn it!", said Obama, putting the phone down, "you gave me Amar Singh's number".
5. Once again, the secretary handed him another phone number.
"This is Barack Obama. Is Mr. Singh home?", he asked.
"Yes, but he's relaxing", said the voice.
"Darn it!", said Obama putting the phone down, "you gave me Milkha Singh's number."
6. Once again, the secretary handed him another phone number.
"This is Barack Obama. Is Mr. Singh home?", he asked.
"Yes, this is he", said the voice.
"Ah, finally", thought Obama. "Mr. Singh, what do you think of my victory"?
"Well, what can I say? A great victory for minorities and scheduled castes and the affirmative action..actually, your country should reserve 50% of senate and congress seats for black people."
"Darn it!", said Obama putting the phone down, "this is that old fool Arjun Singh."
7. Once again, the secretary handed him another phone number.
"This is Barack Obama. Is Mr. Singh home?", he asked.
"Yes, this is he", said Mr. Singh.
"Mr. Singh, I hope your country, too, will see the light at the end of the tunnel as the Americans have now seen.."
"Ya Obamaji, there is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an oncoming train which will run them over.."
"What do you mean", asked Obama.
"What I meant was experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald..", replied Mr. Singh.
"Darn it!", said Obama putting the phone down, "this is that Navjot Singh."
8. "You may not have the right city code. Try another one..", Obama told his secretary. So she found him another number to try.
"This is Barack Obama speaking", he said.
"Wow, this is fantastic", said the voice.
"So, what do you think of my victory", asked Obama, beaming with pride.
"What can I say? it's outstanding, mindblowing, fantastic. history", said the voice.
"Darn it!", said Obama putting the phone down, "I did not ask for Himesh Reshammiya's number"
9. Once again, the secretary handed Obama another number.
"This is Barack Obama", he said.
"Congrats Mr Obama", said the voice.
"You know I have decided to give some key positions in my cabinet to Indians", said Obama.
"Indians? Why don't you give them to Maharashtrians? ", retorted the voice on the other end.
"Darn it!", said Obama putting the phone down,
"I know how to deal with Chicago mafia, but I'm sure I can't handle Mumbai's godfathers".
10. "Are these all the Indian numbers you have? One last time, try another one", said Obama.
"This is Obama from America", said Obama.
This time Laloo Yadav answered:
"Haan Obamabhai, Laloo speaking, Hum make America another Bihar".
A frightened Obama puts down receiver, never to ring again!
Surprisingly, president-elect Obama has not called India's leaders yet.
The truth is Obama has tried calling Mr. Singh. And a few times, he did connect as well. For various reasons though, the call did not seem to progress into a productive telephonic conversation.
Here are ten reasons why that happened:
1. The first time Obama called the Indian Prime Minister's office, Mr. Singh's chief secretary
picked up the phone and said, "who is speaking.."
Hearing that, Obama kept the phone down and told his secretary that by mistake, they had connected to the Chinese president's office.
2. Obama tried again a little later.
Once again, Singh's secretary picked up the phone.
Obama thought that he should let the guy know who he was speaking with.
So before the Indian secretary had a chance to say anything, Obama said, "This is Barack Obama speaking..".
"Yeah right", said the chief secretary, "and I am Mahatma Gandhi here".
3. A bit upset, Obama told his secretary to look up the Indian leader's number again. So they gave him another number to try.
"This is Barack Obama speaking", he said.
"Oh, Mr. Obama, congratulations, what a great victory", said the voice on the other line.
"Yeah, it was a blast", said Obama.
"A blast? Wait we will find out who is behind it..", said the voice, "and now I have to go and change my suit".
"Can't you get me Mr. Singh's correct number?
That was the Indian home minister, you moron", the usually unruffled Obama blasted his secretary.
4. So Obama's secretary gave him another number to try.
He called and decided to make sure that he was speaking to the right person.
"Is this Mr. Singh?", he asked.
"Yes, it is", said the voice.
"This is Barack Obama", he said.
"Oh hello Mr. Obama, how is the election shaping up so far?"
"Well, I won mine you know..and we will soon have about 60 seats in the senate", said Obama with palpable joy in his voice.
"Well, you know I can give you another 40 to make it an absolute majority", said the voice.
"Darn it!", said Obama, putting the phone down, "you gave me Amar Singh's number".
5. Once again, the secretary handed him another phone number.
"This is Barack Obama. Is Mr. Singh home?", he asked.
"Yes, but he's relaxing", said the voice.
"Darn it!", said Obama putting the phone down, "you gave me Milkha Singh's number."
6. Once again, the secretary handed him another phone number.
"This is Barack Obama. Is Mr. Singh home?", he asked.
"Yes, this is he", said the voice.
"Ah, finally", thought Obama. "Mr. Singh, what do you think of my victory"?
"Well, what can I say? A great victory for minorities and scheduled castes and the affirmative action..actually, your country should reserve 50% of senate and congress seats for black people."
"Darn it!", said Obama putting the phone down, "this is that old fool Arjun Singh."
7. Once again, the secretary handed him another phone number.
"This is Barack Obama. Is Mr. Singh home?", he asked.
"Yes, this is he", said Mr. Singh.
"Mr. Singh, I hope your country, too, will see the light at the end of the tunnel as the Americans have now seen.."
"Ya Obamaji, there is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an oncoming train which will run them over.."
"What do you mean", asked Obama.
"What I meant was experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald..", replied Mr. Singh.
"Darn it!", said Obama putting the phone down, "this is that Navjot Singh."
8. "You may not have the right city code. Try another one..", Obama told his secretary. So she found him another number to try.
"This is Barack Obama speaking", he said.
"Wow, this is fantastic", said the voice.
"So, what do you think of my victory", asked Obama, beaming with pride.
"What can I say? it's outstanding, mindblowing, fantastic. history", said the voice.
"Darn it!", said Obama putting the phone down, "I did not ask for Himesh Reshammiya's number"
9. Once again, the secretary handed Obama another number.
"This is Barack Obama", he said.
"Congrats Mr Obama", said the voice.
"You know I have decided to give some key positions in my cabinet to Indians", said Obama.
"Indians? Why don't you give them to Maharashtrians? ", retorted the voice on the other end.
"Darn it!", said Obama putting the phone down,
"I know how to deal with Chicago mafia, but I'm sure I can't handle Mumbai's godfathers".
10. "Are these all the Indian numbers you have? One last time, try another one", said Obama.
"This is Obama from America", said Obama.
This time Laloo Yadav answered:
"Haan Obamabhai, Laloo speaking, Hum make America another Bihar".
A frightened Obama puts down receiver, never to ring again!
A lady lost her purse in a bustling department store. She searched everywhere she had visited, but just couldn't find it.
Finally, a little boy approached her and asked, "Ma'am, is this your purse?"
Jubilantly, she grabbed the purse and cried, "Yes! Yes, it is! Thank you so much!"
Then she looked inside and was suddenly confused. "But how strange... when I lost it, I had only a hundred rupees note, but now I have five twenties!"
The boy replied, "That's because the last time I returned a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward!"
Finally, a little boy approached her and asked, "Ma'am, is this your purse?"
Jubilantly, she grabbed the purse and cried, "Yes! Yes, it is! Thank you so much!"
Then she looked inside and was suddenly confused. "But how strange... when I lost it, I had only a hundred rupees note, but now I have five twenties!"
The boy replied, "That's because the last time I returned a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward!"
A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mum, what's sex?"
His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.
When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?
His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.
When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth. He asked his parents, "How was I born?"
"Well honey ..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us."
"OH," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
"This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
"Well honey ..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us."
"OH," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
"This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception.
A girl named Gita has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I am not an American." replied Gita.
"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a proud Indian," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Gita why she is an Indian.
"Well", my mom and dad are Indians, "so I'm an Indian too."
The teacher is now angry.
"That's no reason", she says loudly, "if your mom was an idiot, and your dad was an idiot, what would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile.
"Then," says Gita, "I'd be an American."
There is, however, one exception.
A girl named Gita has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I am not an American." replied Gita.
"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a proud Indian," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Gita why she is an Indian.
"Well", my mom and dad are Indians, "so I'm an Indian too."
The teacher is now angry.
"That's no reason", she says loudly, "if your mom was an idiot, and your dad was an idiot, what would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile.
"Then," says Gita, "I'd be an American."
"If I sold my house, my car and had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked the children in a school class.
"NO!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked them again.
Again, they all answered, "NO!"
"Well," Robert continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"
"NO!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked them again.
Again, they all answered, "NO!"
"Well," Robert continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"
What is plural of SHAH RUKH KHAN???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
soccho
.
.
...
.
.
.
Ans - ICICI Bank
.
.
.
.
Kaise???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
because-
SHAH RUKH KHAN - Main hoon na
And
ICICI Bank - Hum hain na
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
soccho
.
.
...
.
.
.
Ans - ICICI Bank
.
.
.
.
Kaise???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
because-
SHAH RUKH KHAN - Main hoon na
And
ICICI Bank - Hum hain na
Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
About me: I think I am changing the world, but I am not. I think I am
contributing to the Indian economy, but I guess I am not. I think I love my
work, but I do not. I think I hate all people who made me earn my
engineering degree, and I do. I think I am living, but and most importantly,
I am LOOKING for someone to make me live !! Ok...I won't be funny anymore. I
am a cool guy with a zeal to enjoy life (For all those who know me--> "Just
stop laughing!!")
Relationship status : what?
Birthday : The day my PL is about to fire me.
Age : 10111
1111
111
Here for: web browsing in company hours.
Children : can't be (hey, don't get me wrong here!!)
Ethnicity : Programmer.
Languages I speak : Java, C/C++, 010101110101
Religion: I get holidays on all religious festivals, so I love all religions.
Political view : the guy sitting beside me is a pig!!
Humor : weekly....
Fashion: Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a cross-bag
Smoking: The second greatest pleasure on the earth.
Drinking : The first is this.
Pets: Yeah, my PL looks like a dog.
Living: Cummon, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a software
engineer? Believe me, I am living!!
Hometown : My company (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page)
Webpage: naukri.com, jobsahead.com – Isn't it Ultimate???
Passions: searching for the cheapest pub around, cursing my company, looking
for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying about my future.
Sports: quake, CS (Counter Strike), computer chess.
Activities: Are you crazy?
Books: "How to lose weight in 20 days?", "How to live a happy life?", "101 ways to attract a girl", "Java Unleashed", "C++ at your footsteps", Others censored
Music: Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, and anything depressing.
Tv shows : can't afford one.
Cuisines : Bread Butter, Maggi, anything available within 200 meteres of my cubicle
....
contributing to the Indian economy, but I guess I am not. I think I love my
work, but I do not. I think I hate all people who made me earn my
engineering degree, and I do. I think I am living, but and most importantly,
I am LOOKING for someone to make me live !! Ok...I won't be funny anymore. I
am a cool guy with a zeal to enjoy life (For all those who know me--> "Just
stop laughing!!")
Relationship status : what?
Birthday : The day my PL is about to fire me.
Age : 10111
1111
111
Here for: web browsing in company hours.
Children : can't be (hey, don't get me wrong here!!)
Ethnicity : Programmer.
Languages I speak : Java, C/C++, 010101110101
Religion: I get holidays on all religious festivals, so I love all religions.
Political view : the guy sitting beside me is a pig!!
Humor : weekly....
Fashion: Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a cross-bag
Smoking: The second greatest pleasure on the earth.
Drinking : The first is this.
Pets: Yeah, my PL looks like a dog.
Living: Cummon, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a software
engineer? Believe me, I am living!!
Hometown : My company (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page)
Webpage: naukri.com, jobsahead.com – Isn't it Ultimate???
Passions: searching for the cheapest pub around, cursing my company, looking
for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying about my future.
Sports: quake, CS (Counter Strike), computer chess.
Activities: Are you crazy?
Books: "How to lose weight in 20 days?", "How to live a happy life?", "101 ways to attract a girl", "Java Unleashed", "C++ at your footsteps", Others censored
Music: Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, and anything depressing.
Tv shows : can't afford one.
Cuisines : Bread Butter, Maggi, anything available within 200 meteres of my cubicle
....
Santa was having trouble with his computer. So he called Sanju, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over. Sanju clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, Santa called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
Santa didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again."
Sanju grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," Santa replied."Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
So Santa wrote down: I D 1 0 T
As he was walking away, Santa called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
Santa didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again."
Sanju grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," Santa replied."Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
So Santa wrote down: I D 1 0 T
Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other, "Are you a little girl or a little boy?"
"I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.
"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby.
"I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply.
"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling, "I'll climb into your crib and find out."
He carefully maneuvered himself into the other baby's crib, then quickly disappeared beneath the blankets.
After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face.
"You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he said proudly.
"You're ever so clever," cooed the baby girl, "but how can you tell ?"
"It's quite easy really," replied the baby boy,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"You've got pink socks and I've got blue ones."
SHAME ON YOU, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
"I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.
"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby.
"I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply.
"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling, "I'll climb into your crib and find out."
He carefully maneuvered himself into the other baby's crib, then quickly disappeared beneath the blankets.
After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face.
"You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he said proudly.
"You're ever so clever," cooed the baby girl, "but how can you tell ?"
"It's quite easy really," replied the baby boy,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"You've got pink socks and I've got blue ones."
SHAME ON YOU, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the Wife looks over at him and asks the question....
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again. "
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed. "
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "shit.."
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again. "
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed. "
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "shit.."
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