Romil's Online Box...

I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. 
 
 
Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the 
palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: "You 
see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love." 
 

This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow 
it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to 
close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the 
first cracks it finds
 
This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try 
to posses it, they demand, they expect... and just like the water spilling 
out of your hand, love will retrieve from you . 
 

For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there are 
people you love, allow them to be free beings. 
 

Give and don't expect. 
Advise, but don't order. 
Ask, but never demand. 
 

It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly 
practice. It is the secret to true love. To truly practice it, you must 
sincerely feel no expectations from those who you love, and yet an 
unconditional caring." 
 

Passing thought... Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; 
but by the moments that take our breath away..... 
 

Life is beautiful, Live it!!!!

Let's have a look at Miss Worlds from the year 1994...

1994

1994: With the face of an angel, Aishwarya Rai is the most beautiful woman in the world. The journey to her amazing career in Bollywood began after she bagged the Miss World title in1994.

Earth has not anything to show more fair:

  Dull would he be of soul who could pass by

  A sight so touching in its majesty:

  This City now doth, like a garment, wear

  The beauty of the morning; silent, bare 

  Ships, towers, domes, theatres, and temples lie

  Open unto the fields, and to the sky; 

  All bright and glittering in the smokeless air.

  Never did sun more beautifully steep

 In his first splendour valley, rock, or hill;

  Ne'er saw I, never felt, a calm so deep! 

  The river glideth at his own sweet will:

  Dear God! the very houses seem asleep;

  And all that mighty heart is lying still! 
 
                                                                 -William Wordsworth

1 baar a police wala 1 murgi se kahta hai ...
"Kal agar tumne 2 ande nhi diye to may tujhe mar dunga "


murgi fhir agle din 1 hin anda deti hai....


Police wale ko gussa aata hai wo banduk uthata hai .




Tab wo murgi kahti hai ...":

Dekhiye sab ye anda to aap ki banduk ke dar se nikla hai
warna mai to














Murga Hoon...."

When the best actors are chosen by other actors it is called the OSCARS.......



but .....


When the best actors are chosen by the people......
it is called.......














do u know wats it called??









well






its









called


































ELECTIONS.........

Agar tum 90 bar paap karoge to 45 bar pakde jaoge
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Why?


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bcoz sin 90 = cot 45!!!!!!! 

What did the Kangaroo say when she found her baby missing?
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A) Aaila!!!!! kisine mera pocket maar liya... 

You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2
cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have
anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it?

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Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will
become LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can light the other
cigarette



Another deadly answer. scroll down a little

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Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win
Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette


If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down

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Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...(TIP - TIP)

"TIP TIP barsa Pani.

Pani ne aag lagayee."

us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee".

Gattu ek lecture attend karta hai. Lecture ke baad use bhookh lagti hai.
So he goes to the canteen. Canteen mein gattu ek pav leta hai.
Jaise hi woh pav khane ke liye uthata hai to dekhta hai ki uski plate mein
"jannat" likha hai.

To ab yeh batao ki gattu jiska lecture attend karke aa
raha tha , us professor ka naam kya tha?



Answer

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The answer is :Ishq Ki Chhaon.

Jinke "Sir" ho "Ishq ki Chhaon"
"Pav" ke neeche "Jannat" hogi....

• 
  

 It was Friday, and four nuns went to the priest at the local Catholic church to ask for the weekend off. They argued back and forth for a few minutes. Finally the priest agreed to let them leave the convent for the weekend. "However", he said, "as soon as you get back Monday morning I want you to confess to me what you did over the weekend." The four nuns agree, and run off.
 
 Monday comes, and the four nuns return. The first nun goes to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
 
 The priest asks, "What did you do, Sister?"
 
 She replies, "I watched an R-rated movie."
 
 The priest looks up at heaven for a few seconds, then replies, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water."
 
 The first nun leaves, and the fourth nun begins to chuckle quietly under her breath. The second nun then goes up to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
 
 The priest replies, "OK, what happened?"
 
 She says, "I was driving my brother's car down the street in front of his house, and I hit a neighbors dog and killed it."
 
 The priest looks up to heaven for half a minute, then says, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water."
 
 The second nun goes out. By this time, the fourth nun is laughing quite audibly.
 
 Then the third nun walks to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
 
 The priest asks, "Out with it. What did you do?"
 
 She says, "Last night, I ran naked up and down Main Street."
 
 The priest looks up at heaven for a full five minutes before responding, "God forgives you. Go and drink the holy water." She leaves.
 
 The fourth nun falls on the floor, laughing so hard tears run down her cheeks. 
 
 The priest asks her, "OK. What did you do that was so darn funny?"
 
 The fourth nun replies, "I peed in the holy water..." 

Top 22 things an Indian does after returning to India from "US":
 
22. Use Nope for No and Yep for Yes.
 
21. Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.
 
20. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health conscious.
 
19. Sprays deo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.
 
18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.
 
17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
Says "Yogurt" instead says "Curds".
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
Says " Free Way " instead of "Highway".
Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go".
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven
Zero Four)
 
16.Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.
 
15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)
 
14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).
 
13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
 
12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y Zee(but never says Zed)
 
11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!"
 
10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.
 
9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".
 
8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.
 
7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.
 
6.. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.
 
5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule".
 
4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.
 
3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.
 
2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.
 
Ultimate one:
1. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."

Men:
 

1. All men are extremely busy.
 

2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
 

3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them. 
 

4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
 

5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
 

6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them.
 

7. Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.
 
 
 

Women:
 

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
 

2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
 

3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
 

4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
 

5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".
 

6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.
 

7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.

Once there were three trees on a hill in the woods. They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the first tree said, "Someday I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver and precious gems. I could be decorated with intricate carving and everyone would see the beauty." 

Then the second tree said, "Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will take kings and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of the world. Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull." 

Finally the third tree said, "I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me." 

After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees. When one came to the first tree he said, "This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter" ... and he began cutting it down. The tree was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest. 

At the second tree a woodsman said, "This looks like a strong tree, I should be able to sell it to the shipyard." The second tree was happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship. 

When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was frightened because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come true. One of the woodsmen said, "I don't need anything special from my tree so I'll take this one", and he cut it down. 

When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he was made into a feed box for animals. He was then placed in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all what he had prayed for. The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end. The third tree was cut into large pieces and left alone in the dark. The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams. 

Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from the first tree. The man wished that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event and knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time. Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn't think it was strong enough to keep the men safe. The men woke the sleeping man, and he stood and said "Peace" and the storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it had carried the King of Kings in its boat. 

Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was carried through the streets as the people mocked the man who was carrying it. When they came to a stop, the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill. When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it. 

The moral of this story is that when things don't seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, He will give you great gifts. Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined. We don't always know what God's plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best.

I was walking around in a store, when I saw a Cashier hand this

little boy some money back.

The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.





The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy

this doll.





Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are

you sure I don't have enough money?''





The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy

this doll, my dear.''





Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to

look around.. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the

doll in his hand.





Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this

doll to.





'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for

Christmas.

She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.'





I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all,

and not to worry.





But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where

she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it

to my sister when she goes there.'





His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with

God.

Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought

that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''





My heart nearly stopped.





The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not

to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.'





Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He

then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't

forget me.'





'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says

that she has to go to be with my little sister.' Then he looked again at

the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.





I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check

again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''





'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his

with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the

doll and even some spare money.





The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'





Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to

sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that

mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''





'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy,

but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy

the doll and a white rose. My mommy loves white roses.'





A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I

finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I

couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local

news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck,

who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little

girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The

family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining

machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the

coma. Was this the family of the little boy?





Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news

paper that the young woman had passed away.. I couldn't stop myself as I

bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the

body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last

wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a

beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and

the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling

that my life had been changed for ever.

The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still,

to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk

driver had taken all this away from him.



Please DO NOT DRINK & DRIVE.

The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.
 
The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, 'Thisis amazing. How do you do it at your age?'
 
The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old motor running.'
 
The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child.
 
The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman. She said, 'Sir, you are something! How do you manage it?'
 
The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old motor running.'
 
A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child.
 
The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, 'Well, you surely are something awesome!
 
How do you do it?'
 
The old man replied, 'It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running.'
 
The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said:
 
Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one is black!'

That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.

There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run them over.

Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was run out in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados."Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."

Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taxi meter.

Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.

Wickets are like wives, you never know which way they will turn!

He is like Indian three-wheeler which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!

The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend, that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world which does not have wings!

As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.

The ball whizzes past like a bumble bee and the Indians are in the sea.

The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack.

The pitch is as dead as a dodo.

Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!

The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala one falls and everything else falls!

Indian team without Sachin is like giving a Kiss without a Squeeze.

You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.

Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goal keeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.

He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.

One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.

This was uttered after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled Shivnarine Chanderpaul 'NOT OUT' in the second test at Port of Spain, T&T. "Eddie Nichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands."

Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.

Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.

You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.

The cat with gloves catches no mice.

Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.

You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.

The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason.

Rajiv and Priya are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,” Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives.”

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later, Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, “Priya, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?”

“No, sweetheart” she responds.

Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, “Priya, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master card yet?”

“Oh no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the cheque,” she says.

“One last thing, Priya. Did you remember to send cheques for the auto loan to them too this month?” he asks.

“Oh, forgive me, Rajiv,” begged Priya. “I didn’t send that one, either.”

Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years. Priya pulls away and asks him, “So, why did you hug me?”

“Rajiv answers, “They’ll find us!”

"Can I see my baby?" the happy new mother asked. When the bundle was nestled in her arms and she moved the fold of cloth to look upon his tiny face, she gasped. The doctor turned quickly and looked out the tall hospital window. 
 
The baby had been born without ears. Time proved that the baby's hearing was perfect. It was only his appearance that was marred. When he rushed home from school one day and flung himself into his mother's arms, she sighed, knowing that his life was to be a succession of heartbreaks. He blurted out the tragedy. "A boy, a big boy...called me a freak." 
 
He grew up, handsome for his misfortune. A favorite with his fellow students, he might have been class president, but for that. He developed a gift, a talent for literature and music. "But you might mingle with other young people," his mother reproved him, but felt a kindness in her heart. 
 
The boy's father had a session with the family physician... "Could nothing be done?" "I believe I could graft on a pair of outer ears, if they could be procured" the doctor decided. Whereupon the search began for a person who would make such a sacrifice for a young man. 
 
Two years went by. One day, his father said to the son, "You're going to the hospital, son. Mother and I have someone who will donate the ears you need. But it's a secret," said the father. The operation was a brilliant success, and a new person emerged. His talents blossomed into genius, and school and college became a series of triumphs. 
 
Later he married and led the diplomatic service. One day, he asked his father, "Who gave me the ears? Who gave me so much? I could never do enough for him or her." "I do not believe you could, "said the father, "but the agreement was that you are not to know...not yet." 
 
The years kept their profound secret, but the day did come. One of the darkest days that ever pass through a son. He stood with his father over his mother's casket. Slowly, tenderly, the father stretched forth a hand and raised the thick, reddish-brown hair to reveal the mother had no outer ears. "Mother said she was glad she never let her hair be cut," his father whispered gently, "and nobody ever thought mother less beautiful, did they"?

Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait.
 
Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm.
 
The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm.
 
Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went about his fishing.
 
An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg.
 
Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms :)

The following are new Windows messages that are supposedly under consideration for the planned Windows 7...
 
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
 
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
 
Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
 
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
 
This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
 
Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
 
This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."
 
To "shut down" your system, type "WIN"
 
BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
 
COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
 
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
 
Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
 
Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
 
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
 
WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
 
User Error: Replace user.
 
Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
 
Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.

The American president-elect Barack Obama is said to have called 15 world leaders so far, including presidents or prime ministers or kings of Australia, Britain, Canada, France, Germany, Israel, Japan, Mexico, South Korea, Egypt, Italy, Saudi Arabia, Spain, Poland and Pakistan.

Surprisingly, president-elect Obama has not called India's leaders yet.

The truth is Obama has tried calling Mr. Singh. And a few times, he did connect as well. For various reasons though, the call did not seem to progress into a productive telephonic conversation.

Here are ten reasons why that happened:

1. The first time Obama called the Indian Prime Minister's office, Mr. Singh's chief secretary
picked up the phone and said, "who is speaking.."

Hearing that, Obama kept the phone down and told his secretary that by mistake, they had connected to the Chinese president's office.

2. Obama tried again a little later.

Once again, Singh's secretary picked up the phone.

Obama thought that he should let the guy know who he was speaking with.

So before the Indian secretary had a chance to say anything, Obama said, "This is Barack Obama speaking..".

"Yeah right", said the chief secretary, "and I am Mahatma Gandhi here".

3. A bit upset, Obama told his secretary to look up the Indian leader's number again. So they gave him another number to try.

"This is Barack Obama speaking", he said.

"Oh, Mr. Obama, congratulations, what a great victory", said the voice on the other line.

"Yeah, it was a blast", said Obama.

"A blast? Wait we will find out who is behind it..", said the voice, "and now I have to go and change my suit".

"Can't you get me Mr. Singh's correct number?

That was the Indian home minister, you moron", the usually unruffled Obama blasted his secretary.

4. So Obama's secretary gave him another number to try.

He called and decided to make sure that he was speaking to the right person.

"Is this Mr. Singh?", he asked.

"Yes, it is", said the voice.

"This is Barack Obama", he said.

"Oh hello Mr. Obama, how is the election shaping up so far?"

"Well, I won mine you know..and we will soon have about 60 seats in the senate", said Obama with palpable joy in his voice.

"Well, you know I can give you another 40 to make it an absolute majority", said the voice.

"Darn it!", said Obama, putting the phone down, "you gave me Amar Singh's number".

5. Once again, the secretary handed him another phone number.

"This is Barack Obama. Is Mr. Singh home?", he asked.

"Yes, but he's relaxing", said the voice.

"Darn it!", said Obama putting the phone down, "you gave me Milkha Singh's number."

6. Once again, the secretary handed him another phone number.

"This is Barack Obama. Is Mr. Singh home?", he asked.

"Yes, this is he", said the voice.

"Ah, finally", thought Obama. "Mr. Singh, what do you think of my victory"?

"Well, what can I say? A great victory for minorities and scheduled castes and the affirmative action..actually, your country should reserve 50% of senate and congress seats for black people."

"Darn it!", said Obama putting the phone down, "this is that old fool Arjun Singh."

7. Once again, the secretary handed him another phone number.

"This is Barack Obama. Is Mr. Singh home?", he asked.

"Yes, this is he", said Mr. Singh.

"Mr. Singh, I hope your country, too, will see the light at the end of the tunnel as the Americans have now seen.."

"Ya Obamaji, there is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an oncoming train which will run them over.."

"What do you mean", asked Obama.

"What I meant was experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald..", replied Mr. Singh.

"Darn it!", said Obama putting the phone down, "this is that Navjot Singh."

8. "You may not have the right city code. Try another one..", Obama told his secretary. So she found him another number to try.

"This is Barack Obama speaking", he said.

"Wow, this is fantastic", said the voice.

"So, what do you think of my victory", asked Obama, beaming with pride.

"What can I say? it's outstanding, mindblowing, fantastic. history", said the voice.

"Darn it!", said Obama putting the phone down, "I did not ask for Himesh Reshammiya's number"

9. Once again, the secretary handed Obama another number.

"This is Barack Obama", he said.

"Congrats Mr Obama", said the voice.

"You know I have decided to give some key positions in my cabinet to Indians", said Obama.

"Indians? Why don't you give them to Maharashtrians? ", retorted the voice on the other end.

"Darn it!", said Obama putting the phone down,

"I know how to deal with Chicago mafia, but I'm sure I can't handle Mumbai's godfathers".

10. "Are these all the Indian numbers you have? One last time, try another one", said Obama.

"This is Obama from America", said Obama.

This time Laloo Yadav answered:

"Haan Obamabhai, Laloo speaking, Hum make America another Bihar".

A frightened Obama puts down receiver, never to ring again!

A lady lost her purse in a bustling department store. She searched everywhere she had visited, but just couldn't find it. 

Finally, a little boy approached her and asked, "Ma'am, is this your purse?" 

Jubilantly, she grabbed the purse and cried, "Yes! Yes, it is! Thank you so much!" 

Then she looked inside and was suddenly confused. "But how strange... when I lost it, I had only a hundred rupees note, but now I have five twenties!" 

The boy replied, "That's because the last time I returned a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward!"

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mum, what's sex?" 

His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. 

When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth. He asked his parents, "How was I born?"
"Well honey ..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us."
"OH," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
"This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks. 

There is, however, one exception. 

A girl named Gita has not gone along with the crowd. 

The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I am not an American." replied Gita. 

"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?" 

"I'm a proud Indian," boasts the little girl. 

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Gita why she is an Indian. 

"Well", my mom and dad are Indians, "so I'm an Indian too." 

The teacher is now angry. 

"That's no reason", she says loudly, "if your mom was an idiot, and your dad was an idiot, what would you be then?" 

A pause, and a smile. 

"Then," says Gita, "I'd be an American."

"If I sold my house, my car and had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked the children in a school class. 
"NO!" the children all answered. 
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?" 
Again, the answer was, "NO! 
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" Robert asked them again. 
Again, they all answered, "NO!" 
"Well," Robert continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?" 
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"

What is plural of SHAH RUKH KHAN??? 
. 
. 
. 
. 
. 
. 
. 
. 
. 
soccho 
. 
. 
... 
. 
. 
. 
Ans - ICICI Bank 
. 
. 
. 
. 
Kaise??? 
. 
. 
. 
. 
. 
. 
. 
because- 
SHAH RUKH KHAN - Main hoon na 

And

ICICI Bank - Hum hain na

Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup. 
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers. 


Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup. 
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much. 


Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup. 
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard? 


Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up? 
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller. 


Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny. 
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?

About me: I think I am changing the world, but I am not. I think I am 
contributing to the Indian economy, but I guess I am not. I think I love my 
work, but I do not. I think I hate all people who made me earn my 
engineering degree, and I do. I think I am living, but and most importantly, 
I am LOOKING for someone to make me live !! Ok...I won't be funny anymore. I 
am a cool guy with a zeal to enjoy life (For all those who know me--> "Just 
stop laughing!!")


Relationship status : what? 


Birthday : The day my PL is about to fire me. 


Age : 10111 
1111 
111


Here for: web browsing in company hours.


Children : can't be (hey, don't get me wrong here!!)


Ethnicity : Programmer. 


Languages I speak : Java, C/C++, 010101110101


Religion: I get holidays on all religious festivals, so I love all religions.


Political view : the guy sitting beside me is a pig!!

Humor : weekly....


Fashion: Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a cross-bag


Smoking: The second greatest pleasure on the earth.


Drinking : The first is this.


Pets: Yeah, my PL looks like a dog. 



Living: Cummon, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a software 
engineer? Believe me, I am living!!


Hometown : My company (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page)


Webpage: naukri.com, jobsahead.com – Isn't it Ultimate??? 


Passions: searching for the cheapest pub around, cursing my company, looking 
for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying about my future.


Sports: quake, CS (Counter Strike), computer chess.


Activities: Are you crazy?


Books: "How to lose weight in 20 days?", "How to live a happy life?", "101 ways to attract a girl", "Java Unleashed", "C++ at your footsteps", Others censored


Music: Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, and anything depressing.


Tv shows : can't afford one.


Cuisines : Bread Butter, Maggi, anything available within 200 meteres of my cubicle
....

Santa was having trouble with his computer. So he called Sanju, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over. Sanju clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. 

As he was walking away, Santa called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

Santa didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again."

Sanju grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," Santa replied."Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." 

So Santa wrote down: I D 1 0 T

Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other, "Are you a little girl or a little boy?"
 

"I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.
 
"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby.
 
"I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply.
 
"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling, "I'll climb into your crib and find out."
 
He carefully maneuvered himself into the other baby's crib, then quickly disappeared beneath the blankets.
 
After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face.
 
"You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he said proudly.
 
"You're ever so clever," cooed the baby girl, "but how can you tell ?"
 
"It's quite easy really," replied the baby boy,
 
.
 
.
 
.
 
.
 
.
 
.
 
.
 
.
 
.
 
.
 
.
 

"You've got pink socks and I've got blue ones."
 
SHAME ON YOU, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the Wife looks over at him and asks the question.... 

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" 

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" 

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" 

HUSBAND: "Of course I do." 

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" 

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again. " 

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look) 

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) 

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" 

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house." 

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" 

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" 

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" 

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new." 

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" 

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." 

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?" 

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." 

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?" 

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed. " 

WIFE: -- silence -- 

HUSBAND: "shit.."

Ø Newton's Method:
Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is equal and opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion.

Ø Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.

Ø Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion. If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.

Ø Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and inter! rogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion.

Ø Rajnikanth Method :
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.

Ø Jayalalitha Method:
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !

Ø Manirathnam Method (director):
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted. Keep murmuring something in its ears. The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.

Ø Karan Johar Method (director):
Send a lioness into the forest. Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.
Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.
First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.
But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another lioness(third) into the forest.
You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont !

Ø Yash Chopra method (director):
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.

Ø Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.

Ø Menaka Gandhi method:
Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.

Ø George Bush method:
Link the lion with Osama Bbin Laden and shoot him!!!

Ø Sunil Gavaskar method:
Ask the lion to bowl at u. U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run.

Take a look at the following sentences: 

* The number of times the digit 0 appears in this puzzle is _____. 
* The number of times the digit 1 appears in this puzzle is _____. 
* The number of times the digit 2 appears in this puzzle is _____. 
* The number of times the digit 3 appears in this puzzle is _____. 
* The number of times the digit 4 appears in this puzzle is _____. 
* The number of times the digit 5 appears in this puzzle is _____. 
* The number of times the digit 6 appears in this puzzle is _____. 
* The number of times the digit 7 appears in this puzzle is _____. 
* The number of times the digit 8 appears in this puzzle is _____. 
* The number of times the digit 9 appears in this puzzle is _____. 

Fill these sentences with digits such that all the sentences holds true. 


For Solution SCROLL DOWN... 

Solution: 

The number of times the digit 0 appears in this puzzle is 1. 
The number of times the digit 1 appears in this puzzle is 7. 
The number of times the digit 2 appears in this puzzle is 3. 
The number of times the digit 3 appears in this puzzle is 2. 
The number of times the digit 4 appears in this puzzle is 1. 
The number of times the digit 5 appears in this puzzle is 1. 
The number of times the digit 6 appears in this puzzle is 1. 
The number of times the digit 7 appears in this puzzle is 2. 
The number of times the digit 8 appears in this puzzle is 1. 
The number of times the digit 9 appears in this puzzle is 1.

A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

Solution:
The third. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.

It seems that a young blonde man volunteered for military service during World War II. Despite being blonde, he had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to Pensecola skipping boot camp.
 
The very first day at Pensecola he solos and is the best flier on the base. All they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific.
 
On his first day aboard he took off and single-handedly shot down 6 Japanese planes. Then climbing up to 20,000 ft. he found 9 more Japanese planes and shot them all down, too.
 
Noting that his fuel was getting low, he descended, circled the carrier and came in for a perfect landing on the deck. He threw back the canopy, climbed out and jogged over to the captain.
 
Saluting smartly he said, "Well sir, how did I do on my very first day?"
 
The captain replied, "You make one velly impoltant mistake!"

I wander thro' each charter'd street, 
Near where the charter'd Thames does flow 
And mark in every face I meet 
Marks of weakness, marks of woe.

In every cry of every Man, 
In every Infants cry of fear, 
In every voice: in every ban, 
The mind-forg'd manacles I hear

How the Chimney-sweepers cry 
Every blackning Church appalls, 
And the hapless Soldiers sigh 
Runs in blood down Palace walls.

But most thro' midnight streets I hear 
How the youthful Harlots curse 
Blasts the new-born Infants tear, 
And blights with plagues the Marriage hearse.

                                                          -Willaim Blake

Hey Friends.....
Here I am posting some of the rarest pics of the film industry.....


Katrina Kaif....

Mrs. Aishwarya Rai Bachchan......








Aish with Bro...





Aish with mum.....




Aish in School....

MegaStar Amitabh Bachchan.....



AB with father Harivansh Rai Bachchan.....

Kareena and Karishma....

Juhi Chawla....




Salman Khan with Family....




Sushmita Sen...




Sridevi...